I think the greatest thing(?) in the whole world is mothers. They always dedicate to their children. They save the money for themselves, however, they spare no cost when it comes to their children's. Even though children disobey them, they endure and love their children. No matter what happens, they'll always be on our side. They are anxious about their children's safety regardless of they already become an adult. But the majority of the people do not recognize their mother's love. Therefore, we have to good to our parents while they are here with us.
To Byun Jaehee From Kim Ju Yeon Week 2
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you emphasized how 'mothers' are important in our lives. I especially like that you wrote about how 'mothers' devote their lives to their children, which, we should be all grateful for.
2. Your main point seem to be that we should acknowledge how our mothers sacrificed for us and be good to them while they are here alive with us. I agree that we should always keep in mind that they've put a lot of effort at raising us, and try to give love back to them.
3. What struck me powerful was the sentence, 'No matter what happens, they'll always be on our side'. Based on my experience, and I think many people have experienced it as well, mothers are always on our side. Whether we are sad or happy they're always beside us.
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5. I think that if you attach more description on some sentences it would be much more clear. For instance, if you write more descriptively how some people do not recognize their mother's love, it would be much more clear that we must acknowledge mothers love on us.
To Byun JaeHee from Kim Kyung Un AssignmentWeek2
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it shows how mothers are someone very important to everyone. Also, I can easily see what the topic and conclusion sentence is.
2. Your main point seems to be clear. However, it is written in a bad sentence structure. It might be better to say that, "I think mothers are the greatest people in the world." In my opinion, I think using such word as "thing" makes any sentence unnatural.
3. I think this sentence, "But the majority of the people do not recognize their mother's love" struck me. Alot of people nowadays tend to not care much about their loved ones, especially their mothers. Even though we are living in a fast paced world, I thought showing our love and thanking mothers for bringing us into this world is something we should never forget.
4. Like I said before, the first topic sentence should be changed. Also, I believe that supporting sentences should be organized more properly so that it is easier for the readers to quickly grasp the points you are trying to make.
In addition, to make the writing more interesting, I think you should write personal stories to back up your topic sentence instead of giving general reasons.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to edit several times. I can see many grammer mistakes here and there. Also, supporting sentences should be written more lively. However, overall I enjoyed reading this paragraph.