A Memorial Event in My Life
It is about one of most unforgettable events in my life. It was in the autumn when I was 9 year-old. At that moment, I was crazy in collecting dragonflies. One day, I had made up my mind to fill up a small plastic box with them. So, I spent several hours achieving such my goal and it was finally done with over a hundred of different poor creatures. As I was pleased to see the completely filled box, seemingly without any tiny hole to put one more into it, I wanted to see them more closely. Therefore, I got to approach myself to the box and I could find out though a transparent glass that most of them had been already died. Astonished with that fact I had never expected to be done, I quickly opened the small glass to let them getting out of the box with hoping as many of them as possible to be alive. However, my hope didn't work in that case. That's the experience I regret the most in my life and that I was shocked most of discovering a part of myself so selfish and cruel.
To YI, Mijin. From Lee Su Jin. Assignment week 2.
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is the development of story is natural. So reading is easy.
2. Your main point seems to be discovering your part selfish and cruel by the experience of collecting dragonflies.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful.
words or lines
However, my hope didn't work in that case.
-I like it because it arouses sadness well more than 'It was useless.'.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved.
lines or parts
I think that if more sentences for express the sadness are added in the end, I can feel your feeling well.
5. I think that this paragraph is good.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is your exciting description about your experience.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be an experience when you were young that made you feel guilty.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful: Therefore, I got to approach myself to the box and I could find out though a transparent glass that most of them had been already died.
I like this sentence because I felt as if I saw that scene in the flesh.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved
if you add that you realized the value of live things in the last sentence, it will be a perfect paragraph.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is the conclusion part.