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I really love bread. I fell in love with bread when I was 10. As many korean teenagers know, collecting pocketmonster stickers which were in bread was very popular that time. I used to eat breads everyday to collect stickers as many as possible, gradually I started to be addicted to them, and even now I eat breads so often. Western people eat bread as their meals, but koreans eat rice instead of breads. Koreans usually think that bread can't replace rice, but I don't think so. Because there are so many kinds of breads and cakes, we can eat different kinds of breads everyday and we need not worry to be sick of breads. It's true that breads can make us fat, but some breads have low calories like bagels and we can control their intake. I love the scent of bread and its soft touch, I even smell first before I eat bread. I think bread can replace rice, and many Koreans join my thoughts gradually. I'm so addicted to bread anwish to marry pastry cook someday. |
Sunday, September 26, 2010
pg. 41 essay first draft : LEE JI SUK
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Peer Feedback Sheet
ReplyDeleteTo - Lee Ji Suk From - Jitendra Kumar Gupta
1. What I like about this piece of writing is you wrote about what you like most.
2. Your main point seems to be not vivid in its description.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
Words or lines - Many Koreans joins my thought gradually.
I like them because you have your own thought and perception. It means you are not dominated by others thought as like me.
4. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is you did not write about what you do not like. So, it will be better to write about the food you dislike. Otherwise, topic is not cleared.
From Evergreen, 8th Ed./Houghton-Miffflin
Feedback Sheet
ReplyDeleteTo LeeJi Suk From Kim Si Eun
1. What I like about this piece of writing
is your topic! I also really like bread too
2. Your main point seems to be clear. You choose your topic as bread and you wrote about it.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:(I think bread can replace rice, and many Koreans join my thoughts gradually.) From this line, i'm a little shocked, i'm also breadholic,but i think nothing can replace rice. so i tink this line show your stong feelng about bread!
4.The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing
is you j wirte more your feeling about bread than reason why you like it, so i think you' better write it more.
I really love bread. I fell in love with bread when I was 10. As many korean teenagers know, collecting pocketmonster stickers which were in bread was very popular that time. I used to eat breads everyday to collect stickers as many as possible, gradually I started to be addicted to them, and even now I eat breads so often.
ReplyDeleteWestern people eat bread as their meals, but koreans eat rice instead of breads. Koreans usually think that bread can't replace rice, but I don't think so. Because there are so many kinds of breads and cakes, we can eat different kinds of breads everyday and we don't have to worry to be sick of breads. It's true that breads can make us fat, but some breads have like bagels have low calories, also we can control their intake. What draws me to the bakery is the scent of bread. The delicate smell of bread has special power to make people hungry and happy. When people choose which one to eat in bakery, they all look very happy and excited, so do I, I even smell first before I eat bread to be satisfied before eating. And soft touch of bread is also fantastic. Breads hardly get stuck between the teeth, I eat like a horse with an easy mind.
As I said, I love bread so much and I think bread can replace rice, and many Koreans join my thoughts gradually. I'm so addicted to bread and I wish to marry pastry cook someday.