Sunday, October 31, 2010

First draft p. 93 200602232 Mijin Yi

My First Invention: Milk Bottle With a Thermometer
 
 

I think that most among us read the biography of some famous people of which one representative is for sure Thomas Alba Edison; He encouraged us, children to observe things around us in different ways and to dream of making new things with these new attitudes to things, that is, creativity. Probably for the same reason, there was every year Invention Contest when I was in elementary school and some fresh inventions were awarded.

 
I had never by the time thought  that I was a creative person. And, that is why I did not like this contest and would be at least once a year in trouble in finding a good idea. Moreover, since we students were obligated to represent at least one invention, I was 'scared' of the contest. One day, when I was on fifth grade-supposedly, I do not remember exactly when it was- one thought suddenly came to me: 'why not me' and I decided to be serious of inventing a great, new thing out of spite. Since my mother had a small store where were sold clothes, toys and small objects necessary for babies and little children. And also, each vacations I would visit my aunts who had little babies aging from only some months to three years and see them preparing milk with a feeding bottle for their children. I often saw them having difficulty to guess a proper temperature. Sometimes, they would drop some milk drops on a hand or sometimes tasted it. I found it unconvenient. It inspired me to make my first invention: milk bottle with thermometer. I tried first of all to put a thermometer outside of the bottle. It was easy to put it on but there was a problem: since the thermometer was not directly in the milk, the indicated temperature was not exact. So, my second trial was to put it inside the bottle, on the wall of it. It was much more difficult to install it inside. With my father's help, I had even to cut the bottle into two to set the thermometer on it. This time seemed that all was perfect. But, when I showed my milk bottle to my mother, she praised me, and at the same time point out a problem: hygiene which is most important for babies. To solve the problem, we needed a special material to cover the thermometer in order to keep babies away some hygiene-related potential dangers. It should not be made of traditional plastic exposing endoctrine-discupting chemicals in hot temperature, but should have a high heat conductivity. Finally, I did not find a good material and I didn't win the award neither.

It was however a good experience to adventure a new field that I thought would never suit me. It is said that invention is not far from us but just close to our life. Though this experience, I got to agree with the phrase considered by now as a difficult one, done by special people.    

1 comment:

  1. To Mijin From Blair

    1. Does the essay have three paragraphs? No, there is two. I think she forgot to indent the last paragraph.

    2. Does the introduction include a hook to get the reader's attention along with background information? She tried to hook the reader's eye by showing a famous figure.

    3. Is the writer's opinion about the issue clearly stated in the thesis statement? No. It is rather close to narrative essay, not an opinion essay.

    4. Does the body paragraph contain facts and reasons that support the opinion? It contains facts which is her experience of invention but there is no reason to support her thesis 'cause there is no thesis here.

    5. 'It was however a good experience to adventure a new field that I thought would never suit me,' I am glad that she tried to challenge a new fied that she never tried before and felt something from it.

    6. 'One day, when I was on fifth grade-supposedly, I do not remember exactly when it was- one thought suddenly came to me: 'why not me'' This part needs to be fixed because you don't need to mention the exact year in this sentence and it is not that important. Also, while you said you hate to invent something but you changed your opinion all of sudden without any clear statement that the reason why you changed your thinking or what made you change your way of thinking.

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