200900547 Kim Si Eun
Effective English Writing
P.67 First draft
Teacher I really like
Do you have a teacher who pray for you? I have a teacher who try to help me truly and I could feel it. She was my middle school teacher. She has been my homeroom teacher for two years. When I first entered the middle school, she also came our school first time, and we became her first student. At that time she 's just graduated her school, so she was 25 and we felt her like our friends. I still remembered when she first came our class. She had really big eyes that could see our whole class at once and stared at us and said "Right now, we star our life together, I' m also first in here and I also felt strange to all of things. So let's work and talk together. I'm always open to you" After listening her world, I felt she could be our real supporter. And I have a story how I have convinced that feeling.
In our class, including me, I hang out with eight friends. But the fight between us began with a trivial misunderstanding. At that time, we enjoy our Physical Education time because of volleyball. Ironically eight members of our group are split into two teams. First time we enjoy our competitions. But gradually our competition changed into anger to each other. We always joined together for lunch and enjoyed chattering and having ice creams. All the thing is gone. Not a little word did we talk. I felt really sorry about that situation, and then suddenly I realized the teacher's word. It's hard to go to teacher's room. My friend and I bravely knocked the door. First time, She was surprised at our visit but took us to her heart. When looking back upon that happening. I felt shy. Our fighting was just like kids stuff even though at that time, it was very big for me. After listening our words, she seriously advised us how to solve this problem. She talked to us on next day in morning assembly, "we have to gather for new volleyball game. I made new team for after class. I hope everyone come for the game." Most of us felt uncomfortable for our new team. Surprisingly the more enjoying our game, the better comfortable to each other. Teacher bought an ice cream for us. I felt that ice cream was the most sweetest ever I had.
She and I had lots of stories I can't forget her after passing seven years. After graduation, I try to come and see her but I didn't. I'm sorry about that. I didn't realized how caring she was. Now I'm really thankful about meeting her and being taught by her. In this week I should call and go to see her and want to say "I'm really thank you, and I still miss you!"
To Kim Sieun From Yu Hyelee(200902149)
ReplyDeleteAssignment 2010-10-10
1. What I like about this piece of writing is the description of your teacher. I like it because your description makes me very interested to read.
2. Your main point seems to be your middle school teacher.
3. "She had really big eyes that could see our whole class at once and stared at us and said "Right now, we star our life together, I' m also first in here and I also felt strange to all of things. So let's work and talk together. I'm always open to you." struck me interestingly because this part makes your writing lively and I can perfectly see your teacher's character.
4. x
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is the last paragraph. I think its context about not visiting your teacher is a little bit irrelevant. And I also hope to know your teacher's name.
To Kim Sieun From Seonyoung Hwang
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that she tried to show her attitudes toward her teacher by providing her own stories.
2. Your main point seems to be your unforgettable teacher who tried to help her when she was in trouble.
3. "Right now, we start our life together, I' m als"o first in here and I also felt strange to all of things. So let's work and talk together. I'm always open to you". After listening her world, I felt she could be our real supporter."
struck me because it shows her teacher's attitude and personality which is careful and considerate. I can imagine how she was by what she said.
4. "Most of us felt uncomfortable for our new team." was unclear to me. You should provide the information about how the team was composed-whether it was composed the 8 people- and why most of them were not satisfied with the team.
5. It was nice try to talk about her teacher by her own anecdote. However, it would be much better if there are time-order words such as then, after that, and so on. It would make your story clearer to understand.