Pg 93 first draft
200902149 Yu Hyelee
Cyworld.
For me, the most inflectional invention is cyworld. When I turn on the computer, the first thing I do is logging on cyworld. On top of my cyworld home page, I could see how many people visited that day and what they wrote on me. I could make a few menus such as photo album, diary, profile and so on. With these, I consistently communicate with people. I do not only updating photos and diary regularly but also writing a message for my friends. Just as I do, almost every teenager and people in twenties is now becoming hugely engaged in it. But sometimes, I felt something suspicious: Is myself and relation in cyworld real?
Of course I enjoy communicating with my friends on cyworld and think that cyworld shows me quiet well. However, some intentions are attached in cyworld and that makes the difference of me in cyworld and real life. When I post my picture, I do my best to make it look as much as good. I try to choose a picture that makes me seem better than I am. It's like disguising or feigning. And the diary, I sometimes wrote even some words which are not my real sincere. Because cyworld is space for representing oneself publicly, everybody tends to fake themselves unconsciously. Besides, the relation in cyworld is not that believable. I have almost 200 friends on line but I don't think all of them are my friend. However, cyworld relationship is not a direct thing so I could pretend that I don't feel any discomfort with them.
However, I realized that cyworld can't show all of myself. No one wants to show their weak points on cyworld. Everybody pretends that they're ok. They're living good lives.
I know its convenience and benefit. It allows people to get in touch regardless of distance and short of time. However, if people are going to engage in it too much, they'll probably feel embrassement or could suffer much more serious symptoms. We should use this double edged sword wisely.
Oops.. I forgot to erase four lines...
ReplyDeleteHowever, I realized that cyworld can't show all of myself. No one wants to show their weak points on cyworld. Everybody pretends that they're ok. They're living good lives.
these lines should be removed... Sorry
1. Does the essay have three paragraphs? No, four
ReplyDelete2. Does the introduction include a hook to get the reader's attention along with background information? Not really
3. Is the writer's opinion about the issue clearly stated in the thesis statement? yes
4. Does the body paragraph contain facts and reasons that support the opinion? yes
5. the points that you understand and agree with and explain why you agree.
- "However, some intentions are attached in cyworld and that makes the difference of me in cyworld and real life." : Since I am very active on Facebook and I have same attitudes as you does on Cyworld by posting better-looking photos, more meaningful phrases or musics strictly chosen. It means that I intend rather showing my own made self to people than my natural.
6. Write one or two questions about something that needs clarification or additional support.
- Why do you think that not all of enregistered friends on Cyworld are not real friends?
- What would there be as much serious problems which could be caused by people's engaging in Cyworld?
Pg 93 Second draft
ReplyDelete200902149 Yu Hyelee
Cyworld
Whenever I turn on the computer, the first thing I do is logging on cyworld and it’s not only my case. These days almost every teenager and people in twenties is now becoming hugely engaged in it. With its convinience in use and diverse menus, Cyworld built new way of connecting people and expressing oneself. People do not only updating photos and diary regularly but also writing a message for friends. It transcends the time and space and became people’s part of lives. However, sometimes, I felt something suspicious: Is myself and relation in cyworld a real?
Of course I enjoy communicating with my friends on cyworld and think that cyworld shows me quiet well. However, some intentions are attached in it and that makes the difference of me in cyworld and real life. When I post my picture, I do my best to make it look as much as good. I try to choose a picture that makes me seem better than I am. It's like disguising or feigning. And the diary, I sometimes wrote even some words which are not my real sincere. Because cyworld is space for representing oneself publicly, everybody tends to fake themselves unconsciously. Besides, the relation in cyworld is not that believable. I have over 200 friends on line but I don't think all of them are my friend. Becase relationship is not a direct thing, sometimes I feel some loneliness. And if it gets worse, some could be addicted it. For example, it can make Hikikomori which is people who stop communicating with real life and only communicate through the Internet. Because it’s too easy to make new friends.
I know its conveniences and benefits such as allowing people to get in touch regardless of distance and short of time. However, if people are going to engage in it too much, someday they'll probably feel embrassement or could suffer much more serious symptoms. We should use this double edged sword wisely.