Intro to Academic Writing
200902149 Yu Hyelee
Testing in elementary schools
Do you know how many tests are taken in elementary schools these days? According to Seoul Metropolitan Office of Education, elementary school students in Seoul are taking tests almost 3 times a month except for vacations. Besides, the number of test is increasing year after year. It's quiet shocking number because they're too young to take that many tests.
When I was an elementary school student, I was busy to play with friends. After finishing school, I went to playground without worrying tests, running around with friends until sunset. This was not only my schedule but also all of my friends' schedule. However, these days, this kind of students is hard to be seen because all of them are in institute for good grades in tests. Of course education is important but only with that reason we are pushing them too much. They are only under 13 years old who want to play with their friends. Only because of adult's greed, their human rights can't be violated. It's time for us to reconsider which is more important between good marks and young children's mental and physical health.
The number of tests indicates how much pressures are in elementary schools. Let's recall our childhood and rethink about what is more important. Childhood is invaluable time for one's life and can't be violated. It's time for stopping pressure on elementary school students and let's give back freedom and smiles to young children.
1. Does the essay have three paragraphs? Yes, this is a three-paragraph writing
ReplyDelete2. Does the introduction include a hook to get the reader's attention along with background information? Yes, there is a question to attract a readers' attention.
3. Is the writer's opinion about the issue clearly stated in the thesis statement? Yes
4. Does the body paragraph contain facts and reasons that support the opinion? No. I can see a lot of your personal ideas on little students and their numerous exams but not objective facts on them except in the introduction. And your statement is too general to support your main idea.
5. the points that you understand and agree with and explain why you agree.
"It's time for us to reconsider which is more important between good marks and young children's mental and physical health." As you said, what is more important for little students are learning not academic things but socialization such as how to make friends, to communicate with people...
6. Write one or two questions about something that needs clarification or additional support.
-In terms of what do you think that for the only one reason of their young age, elementary school students have too many exams to take. I cannot get what is the concrete relation between their age and the number of exams.
To - Yu Hyelee From- Jitendra Kumar Gupta
ReplyDelete1. Does the essay have three paragraphs?
- Yes, the essay has three paragraphs.
2. Does the introduction include a hook and a thesis?
- Yes, the introduction includes a hook and a thesis.
3. Does the body paragraph have a topic sentence?
- Yes, the body paragraph has a topic sentence.
4. Does the body paragraph give reasons and explanation that support the topic sentence? Does it give a counter- argument and refutation?
- Yes, the body paragraph gives reasons and explanation that support the topic sentence.
- Yes, it gives a counter – argument and refutation.
5. Does the conclusion refer to the main idea of the essay?
- Yes, the conclusion refers to the main idea of the essay.
6. Are quantity expressions used to avoid overgeneralizations?
- No, quantity expressions are not used to avoid overgeneralization.
7. Are connectors used to show the relationship (opposition or support) between ideas?
- Yes, but it is used in the opposition not in the support.
1.YES it's made up of 3 paragraph.
ReplyDelete2.YES it includes hook
3.yes they have a topic sentences
4.I think it's hard to find fact, only for opinions
5'Let's recall our childhood and rethink about what is more important' this part using our memory try to persuade us
6. Write one or two questions about something that needs clarification or additional support
I think you need to add more supporting sentence instead of expressing like 'adlut's greed'. Only writing as 'adult greed' couldn't support your main point.
Second draft
ReplyDeleteIntro to Academic Writing(2)
200902149 Yu Hyelee
Testing in elementary schools
Do you know how many tests are taken in elementary schools these days? According to Seoul Metropolitan Office of Education, elementary school students in Seoul are taking tests almost 3 times a month except for vacations. Besides, the number of test is increasing year after year. It's quiet shocking number because they're too young to take that many tests.
When I was an elementary school student, I was busy to play with friends. After finishing school, I went to playground without worrying tests, running around with friends until sunset. This was not only my schedule but also all of my friends' schedule. However, these days, this kind of students is hard to be seen because all of them are in institute for good grades in tests. Of course education is important but only with that reason we can’t push them too much. Besides, they are only under 13 years old so it’s hard them to handle the stress. And this is why we could see many news headlines about suicide of young students. On 29th of October, 2008, a 10-year-old boy who lived in Gwanju, South Korea suicided because of his poor grade on mid term. This case shows how they are vulnerable to stress. We should know that they’re just children who want to play with their friends and want to be free from academic stress. Only because of adult's greed, their human rights can't be violated. It's time for us to reconsider which is more important between good marks and young children's mental and physical health.
The number of tests indicates how much pressures are in elementary schools. Let's recall our childhood and rethink about what is more important. Childhood is invaluable time for one's life and can't be violated. It's time for stopping pressure on elementary school students and let's give back freedom and smiles to our young children.