<A road to sucess> Kim Kyung Un 201000269
What makes successful people successful? When it comes to different success in our lives, there are certain abilities and traits we need to acquire in order to reach our ultimate goals. Someone like Bill Gates who achieved both fame and financial success might have had intellectually gifted mind, tenacious spirits in what he wanted to achieve, and a strong passion of his work and Oprah Winfrey's grateful attitude and powerful thoughts might have contributed to her success as a talk show host. However, instead of talking about globally well known successful people, I would like to use Steve Irwin, a wildlife expert, as my role model in order to write about attributes to some type of success.
In order to be a successful wildlife expert, a person must be very enthusiastic of his/her work. Ever since I was 11 years old, I watched Animal Planet and the show I enjoyed the most was that of Steve. I would talk about how I was going to be just like him when I grow up. In particular, I found that his enthusiasm for animals made learning about the wild so much more exciting for me. Moreover, he was very much into his work that, he treated animals like they were his friends. He was a true risk taker. For instance, he would lift deadly snakes gently without aiming for their head and wrestle with crocodiles as if they were his wrestling friends. Since, his job was discovering animals and making diverse documentaries of them, his enthusiasm always brought colors and characters into his work.
Secondly, a person needs to be a passionate and energetic person to become a successful wildlife expert. Besides, his strong dedication to his hard work, he brought energy and passion to everything he did. Whether it was performing a groundbreaking crocodile research, filming wildlife documentaries or simply celebrating his children's birthdays, Steve Irwen gave 100 percent with everything he did. Also, he did not choose his career for the opportunity to make lots of cash and live a luxurious and spoiled life. If he ever made money with what he loved, he would spend it back on what he loved. For instance, he has spent millions of dollars buying up lands around Australia and the world to protect animals.
I always look up to him whenever I wonder about the causes to become a successful person. Although he passed away while doing what he loved, his enthusiasm for his work and drive toward which he believed in the most, will always motivate me to try harder. I am grateful that he continued to show me what a real success is about. I also want to become a person who could be remembered for its passion and enthusiasm.
To- Kim Kyung Un From – Jitendra Kumar Gupta
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is the way you arranged the paragraphs.
2. Your main point seems to be about renowned wild expert “Steve Irwin”.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
Words or lines - he was very much into his work that, he treated animals like they were his friends.
I like them because a few people is like him.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, and writing not lively): nothing especially.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that the body paragraph should be a little bit short.
Final draft Kim Kyung Un
ReplyDeleteWhat makes successful people successful? When it comes to different success in our lives, there are certain abilities and traits we need to acquire in order to reach our ultimate goals. Someone like Bill Gates who achieved both fame and financial success might have had intellectually gifted mind, tenacious spirits in what he wanted to achieve, and a strong passion of his work. Oprah Winfrey's grateful attitude and powerful thoughts might have contributed to her success as a talk show host. However, rather than merely talking about globally well known successful people, I would like to use Steve Irwin, a wildlife expert, as my role model in order to write about attributes to some type of success.
In order to be a successful wildlife expert, a person must be very enthusiastic of his/her work. Ever since I was 11 years old, I watched Animal Planet and the show I enjoyed the most was that of Steve. I would talk about how I was going to be just like him when I grow up. In particular, I found that his enthusiasm for animals made learning about the wild so much more exciting for me. Moreover, he was very much into his work that, he treated animals like they were his friends. He was a true risk taker. For instance, he would lift deadly snakes gently without aiming for their head and wrestle with crocodiles as if they were his wrestling friends. Since, his job was discovering animals and making diverse documentaries of them, his enthusiasm always brought colors and characters into his work.
Secondly, a person needs to be a passionate person to become a successful wildlife expert. Besides, his strong dedication to his hard work, he brought energy and passion to everything he did. Whether it was performing a groundbreaking crocodile research, filming wildlife documentaries or simply celebrating his children's birthdays, Steve Irwen gave 100 percent with everything he did. Also, he did not choose his career for the opportunity to make lots of cash and live a luxurious and spoiled life. If he ever made money with what he loved, he would spend it back on what he loved. For instance, he spent millions of dollars buying up lands around Australia and the world to protect animals.
I always look up to him whenever I wonder about the causes to become a successful person. Although he passed away while doing what he loved, his enthusiasm for his work and drive toward which he believed in the most, will always motivate me to try harder. I am grateful that he continued to show me what it takes to become a successful person. I also want to become a person who could be remembered for its passion and enthusiasm.