According to a research, children in the United States spend an average of three to four hours watching television a day. It could be inferred that children are exposed media too much and it means that while spending their time reading books to improve their thinking abilities, exploring nature to learn how the world exist, children are engrossed with flat screen and hypothetical world.
TV viewing might cause significant effects to children. First of all, spending hours in front of TV is bad for children's health. According to a survey conducted by the Canadian Teachers' Federation, it turned out that spending excessive time in watching TV wields undesirable impacts to children such as obesity because they keep eating snacks while watching TV inactively. As far as obesity leads severe health problems is concerned, it cannot be denied that stick to watching television too much is not a trivial issue. Next, as children devote many hours before TV, they might become violent. Children watch violent images, they take it for granted to behave aggressively and begin to imitate them because these images depict violent and inappropriate behavior as a cool and exciting. It not only hinders them shaping sound mind and behavior but cause social problems such as juvenile delinquency. Lastly, as children are bombared with numerous commercials which are sexual and stimulative, it affects them in harmful ways. Once they are exposed to those sort of content, the possibility of risk that they pursue instant gratification and become irresponsible people soars up.
Some people argue that TV can provide useful information and educational knowledge. However, it is true that these kinds of programs are very few and also, they are put unpopular time. For these reasons, I firmly believe that watching television may influence children harmful impacts.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is body paragraph that explains what TV can influence to children.
ReplyDelete2. Your main point seems to be a television affects children badly.
3. ‘It could be inferred that children are exposed media too much and it means that while spending their time reading books to improve their thinking abilities, exploring nature to learn how the world exist, children are engrossed with flat screen and hypothetical world,’ struck me as powerful: It clearly shows which TV cannot do to improve children.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. “Once they are exposed to those sort of content, the possibility of risk that they pursue instant gratification and become irresponsible people soars up.” I would want some examples on this sentence. It’s not really clear to me.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is combining last two paragraphs. Two paragraphs are in coherence that TV gives bad influence to children.
From Noh Young Sun to Sun Young Blair Hwang
ReplyDelete1. Yes, it is a three-paragraph essay.
2. The introduction does have a hook and background information. I think the hook is strong enough to get the readers’ attention.
3. The introduction consists of only two sentences and I think the thesis statement is left out.
4. The body paragraph has facts and reasons to support the main argument, but I think it could have been way better with counter arguments and a reputation to reinforce the main argument.
5. “According to a survey conducted by the Canadian Teachers' Federation, it turned out that spending excessive time in watching TV wields undesirable impacts to children such as obesity because they keep eating snacks while watching TV inactively” I totally buy the result of the survey, because I often find myself munching on snacks more than usual when watching TV. When I am glued to the TV set, I tend to eat more uncounsciuosly, I do not pay attention to how much I eat. Rather I am totally engroseed in the TV and unable to control myself.
6. You wrote a conterargument and a reputation in the conclusion paragraph. As far as I know they should be included in the body paragraph. (not sure;;) The last sentence of the conclusion sounds more like a thesis statement too me.. I think the conclusion sentence needs revising^^
According to a research, children in the United States spend an average of three to four hours watching television a day. It could be inferred that children are exposed media too much and it means that while spending their time reading books to improve their thinking abilities, exploring nature to learn how the world exist, children are engrossed with flat screen and hypothetical world.I stronly believe that TV would affect children inproper ways.
ReplyDeleteTV viewing might cause significant effects to children. First of all, spending hours in front of TV is bad for children's health. According to a survey conducted by the Canadian Teachers' Federation, it turned out that spending excessive time in watching TV wields undesirable impacts to children such as obesity because they keep eating snacks while watching TV inactively. As far as obesity leads severe health problems is concerned, it cannot be denied that stick to watching television too much is not a trivial issue. Next, as children devote many hours before TV, they might become violent. Children watch violent images, they take it for granted to behave aggressively and begin to imitate them because these images depict violent and inappropriate behavior as a cool and exciting. It not only hinders them shaping sound mind and behavior but cause social problems such as juvenile delinquency. Lastly, as children are bombared with numerous commercials which are sexual and stimulative, it affects them in harmful ways. Once they are got a blow by those sort of media, the possibility of risk that they pursue instant gratification and become irresponsible would soar up. Some people argue that TV can provide useful information and educational knowledge. However, it is true that these kinds of programs are very few and also, they are put unpopular time.
For these reasons, I firmly believe that watching television may influence children harmful impacts.